I did mess with QT6 for a bit but didn't like some of the issues it caused in my programs so I went back to GTK2. I will mess with alternatives to GTK2 again.
But I do almost need to go back and say there may in fact be an issue with Lazarus. So on a similar system, Linux Mint Cinnamon, using the Mint-Y themes the menu items do show highlights where on my regular desktop they do not. So there is enough differences in the 2 systems I may be able to narrow down the issue further. I do also have issues with scroll bar colors being improperly drawn but I am gonna focus on the menu issue for the time being and see if I can narrow down the actual cause.