In general you can use the color BGRA(255,255,255, 20*255 div 100) to make it 20% lighter.
And BGRA(0,0,0, 20*255 div 100) to make it 20% darker.
All of this with dmDrawWithTransparency mode.
Alternatively, when you have the Alpha word parameter, you can use BGRAWhite and BGRABlack and an Alpha value of 20*65535 div 100. When using opaque colors, using dmSet or dmDrawWithTransparency gives the same result.
Using dmSet would be useful for example if you want to make a hole, an area where pixels are transparent. You could supply a semi-transparent color like red BGRA(255,0,0, 128) and mode dmSet to make an area semi-transparent and red.
Also dmSet can be slightly faster, for example if you know that a texture is opaque, you can use dmSet mode instead of dmDrawWithTransparency.