Have you solved this yet? It seems like you wanted to do pretty much exactly what I am doing now. I have installed FPC for iPhone, written my own installation instruction document which I believe is pretty complete, I can compile for simulator and device, I can run in simulator and device. And I am running nibless as much as I like, no nibs around unless I want to.
Not that everything is perfect, I have problems using GLES, I don't know how to make debugging work, and the relevance for this for Lazarus is pretty close to none. But... well, it works for me and I need to find others who are interested in working in similar ways.